Saturday, May 30, 2009
empty
I think the title explains it all, I am empty. My baby is gone. I will never see him take his first breath or hear him cry. I will never change his first diaper, breastfeed, or give him his first bath. He will never say Momma or Dadda or attempt to say Matthew. I will never get to see him smile or hear his laugh. There is a lifetime of things I will never get to experience with him. But he is having experiences I could never imagine with our Heavenly Father and for that I am grateful. I am selfish though and am so saddened, numb, and angry that he is not with me. I want him in my arms. I wanted to bring him home. I wanted to have life experiences with him and raise him to know the one true God. I WANT MY BABY BACK! We weren't ready to give him to God. It's not suppose to be like this.......................................................but it is. I am an empty shell now. Though I still look pregnant, I think I feel him move, I worry about the medicine I'm on and if it is effecting him. I'm not pregnant, he's not moving, and I can take any medicines I want. He's gone and I am broken. I am empty.
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I'm so sorry. I'll be praying for you.
ReplyDeleteThis has been the hardest thing that I have ever faced by my self or with you. I did not know why this had happened to us at first but then the words that Rick Burgess spoke about losing his son came to me. This like so many other things that have happened to other people in life is the result of us living on this earth which is a fallen creation. This world is not nor ever what God intended us to live in. Thins like this is the result of sin from the beginning of creation. The only thing that we have to lean on is that God is with us through all of this. He will give us strength and comfort that nothing else here on earth can bring us. He has also given us each other to cling to through all of the trials that we face. I love you and want you to know that we will overcome this in time. Nothing will ever take away this empty spot that we have until the day that we walk in paradise and get to see him and hug him and be with him, but we need to take peace in knowing that one day that time will come. I love you and I am here to help carry you through this.
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